Business Transaction
by Hawkear of WindClan
Summary: Random crack pairing of Alucard and Vincent Valentine. YAOI, LEMON, you'll never guess who tops...Back to the Basics CONTEST clue inside!


**Warning: **Crack pairing, though they are hot together, yaoi, guys fucking each other, and fangirls as the source of all this. ^^

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Final Fantasy VII, nor do I own HELLSING...wish I did though, I'd be making lots of changes...fufufufu...

_**Back to the Basics CONTEST:**_ Thanks for doing what I told you to do!!! No one ever does for some reason...(shrugs) Alright, here is the big clue to help you all guess the location! I've already had SEVERAL guesses, none of which are correct. Mwahaha~ Here's the clue: Google Earth, I mean seriously, are you all that dense? (gets hit with boot) Ow...

Business Transaction

The King of Vampires walked silently through the night, brown leaves dancing in the wind before him as the full moon shown brightly above. He grinned, sharp teeth glinting in the moonlight as he laid eyes on a figure standing beneath a flickering street lamp.

"So, do you have it?" Alucard asked the figure, stopping short of the dim light's reach. The silhouetted figure stepped forward, revealing a petite frame and wearing black, no skin visible to the Nosferatu due to the hood obscuring the person's face.

"Yes, though he was quit hard to attain." A high-pitched female voice said from beneath the hood. She raised a pale hand a threw it off her head, shaking out short brown hair and looking up at the Vampire with light green eyes. "I do hope you have my payment?"

Alucard smirked, reaching into his coat and retrieving a sizable gun. He held it out to the girl and she took it, weighing it in her hand briefly before tucking it inside her own jacket.

"Just as promised; a commission gun made by the same manufacturer as my own. My I see my part of the exchange?" The girl smiled and walked back out of the light's reach, the moths flying around it becoming confused as to why the light constantly retreated and then reappeared.

The sound of wheels upon pavement echoed into the night as the small girl pulled a trolley behind her, a coffin sitting atop it.

"It was difficult enough nicking this from the storage facility," she said, kicking the cart's side with her booted feet, "then having to fetch this one's sleeping form while surrounded by his allies wasn't easy either." She pulled the trolley forward, extending her hand with the handle clasped in it to the Vampire. Alucard grinned maliciously and took it in his gloved hand, turning and waving a hand over his shoulder to his business partner.

"My apologies for your difficulties. I'll be sure to have him back by the next full moon."

"Do try keeping him in one piece, I'd really hate to have to go to his friends and tell them how he met his end." The two parted ways, the young girl raising her hood and whistling a tune to call out to her friend. A girl about an inch taller bounded out from behind a bush and grinned, her dark hair flying around her as she skipped happily, eying the gun her friend had been given.

Alucard walked through the empty streets, pulling the cart behind him at a leisurely pace. He stopped once her reached his destination, a five-star hotel by the ocean, the door-man bowing and holding the glass door open for him to enter.

"May I help you with your cart, sir?" A short man asked from the counter, stepping forward and eyeing the large coffin his guest had in tow.

"No need, I will take it to my room personally." The Vampire walked through the lobby, a local guest or two stopping to stare at his 'luggage' as he neared the elevator. He patiently waited for the doors to open, pulling his part of the night's transaction behind him and listening to the doors slide close. He pressed the button for the Deluxe Suite, and listened to the gears not two feet above his head turn and begin to raise him and his _guest_ to his own floor.

"Now then, how should I go about waking him…?" The Vampire peeled off his coat and slung it over a lounge chair in thought, walking around the large coffin and beginning to unclasp the buckles holding it to the trolley. Once they were undone, he removed the gloves from his hands and placed them on the nearby coffee table, setting his glasses beside them. His long black hair hung in front of him as he bent over to open the coffin, obscuring his vision for a split second, before the hair shortened to it's usual form.

Alucard grinned as he slowly opened the casket, the dim light of the room illuminating a pale face relaxed with sleep. He sighed as he brushed a strand of black hair form the sleeping male's eyes, watching as they fluttered open.

"Good evening, Mr. Valentine." The mentioned man sprung up from his laying position, fiery eyes locked with the Vampire's own crimson ones. He glanced down and saw what it was he had been lying in, his mind momentarily wondering if everything involving Cloud and the others had just been a dream. "I went through a lot of trouble to get you here, so please, do try not to make too much noise-though no one would hear it."

Vincent Valentine eyed the pale being beside him, sharp teeth revealed in a grin bordering on perverted and psychotic. His mind quickly went to work, trying to figure out where he was, and more importantly, how he had gotten there. The last thing he remembered, he had been talking with Cloud in the ex-SOLDIER's room, then nothing.

"Who are you?" Vincent asked, staring emotionlessly into the other man's eyes.

"Alucard. I have you for a few nights, part of a deal I made with a close friend of yours." Red eyes widened for a split second, the gunman remembering what he had been speaking with Cloud about before his mind went blank.

He had been talking with both Cloud and a girl the blond claimed to know, the small female barely glancing at him with a devilish smirk before he had felt tired and said he was retiring for the night. Vincent felt his heart skip a beat as he looked into Alucard's crimson orbs.

"So, _she_ brought me to you. May I ask, why?"

"Of course you may. I had spoken with her after she had made her way into my home and disturbed my rest. She told me about you, even showed me footage of your little fights with your friends. When I was asked if I was interested, I couldn't help but say yes." The Count leaned forward, kneeling beside the open casket and ghosting his lips over the other man's.

Vincent kept himself still, mulling over whether or not this was some twisted dream, then closed the space between them. Immediately her heard a growl come from Alucard, the Vampire pulling him up, out of the coffin with in-human speed and slamming him against the wall. Vincent grunted, raising his hands to tear open Alucard's shirt as he thrust his tongue into the Vampire's mouth, grazing the sharp teeth and tasting blood.

Alucard let out another growl and began a duel with the other man's tongue, pleased that he did not give in to him willingly. The two fought with teeth and tongue for whole minutes, both men completely bare, stripped of their clothes during the heat of their battle.

The gunman raised his right hand to tangle in the Vampire's hair, keeping him in his place as he maneuvered them towards the large bed, their battle for dominance quickly turning into an all-out war.

The King of Vampires fell back onto the bed with a groan, finally ending the heated kiss as Vincent licked the pale skin of his neck. He arched into the touch, grinding his hips up into the gunman's, their aching members brushing together and drawing moans from them both. The Count rolled them over, pinning his prey's arms above his head, using his large, muscled chest to pin Vincent's knees to his own. With a cruel smirk, he thrust completely in, having no need for lubricant.

Vincent made a feral sound as he was fully penetrated, the hot feeling of tearing flesh and running blood spreading in his lower back as the Vampire began moving in and out of him immediately. He leaned up, kissing Alucard hungrily as he desperately thrust back against him, his leaking erection void of attention as he was violently slammed into. The gunman released a loud cry as his prostate was finally hit, Alucard granting him the pleasure of purposefully aiming for that spot over and over, thrusting in harder each time.

The expensive bed rocked back and forth, the oak headboard slamming into the wall, leaving ugly marks with each punctuated bang produced. Vincent forced the Vampire's grip from his arms, wrapping them tightly over his shoulders and holding him close as he thrust his tongue harshly into Alucard's mouth with each hit to his prostate. He could feel himself getting closer and closer with each thrust against the other man, vaguely feeling Alucard's hand move to his waist while the other began to fist his aching cock, all rhythm pertaining to the thrusts gone.

"F-_Fuck!_" Alucard groaned as he felt Vincent tighten around him, the immeasurable heat driving him insane as he finally came, shooting him cum into the gunman with a few final thrusts.

Vincent bucked up into the hand wrapped tightly around his cock, the sounds of Alucard's release sending added sparks of pleasure though him and his body spasmed as he came, his cum coating the Vampire's hand as well as his stomach.

"Shit…I'll have to remember to ask for spare towels next time, won't I?" Alucard asked, grinning as he raised his hand to his lips and slowly licked the cum off with his long tongue. "Or…I could always clean up this way…" He pulled out of the man beneath him, leaning down and cleaning his chest with his tongue, kissing Vincent and allowing him to taste himself.

Vincent sat on the lounge, watching Alucard write something on a slip of paper as he pulled on his tight pants, scanning the room to make sure he hadn't ;left anything.

"These are the directions to get you back to where you belong, just follow them and you'll make it back in one piece." Alucard handed the piece of paper to him, hovering his lips above the gunman's before smirking and pulling away, sitting on the opposite chair and picking up a tattered book.

Vincent eyed the paper and cast one last glance over his shoulder as he left the suite, the doorman bowing awkwardly as he exited the building.

The moon was close to the other side of the sky as the two girls made their way back to the same street, the one with longer hair waving to her friend as he hid in the bushes once more. The one with short hair walked up to the street lamp, leaning against it and staring up at the stars. She turned her head when she heard footsteps, the silhouette of a man 6' even approaching her.

"Good evening, Vinny." She said, smirking as Vincent walked into the light, folding the directions and sliding them into his pant's pocket.

"How did you manage to bring me to this place?" The gunman asked, looking around the street with calculating eyes.

"Cloud helped. I had talked ot him earlier and he said you seemed a little on-edge…thought you needed to get laid. I pulled a few stings, got you drugged, and brought you here in exchange for a gun that can protect me from monsters. Pretty smart, huh?" The girl grinned and hopped away from the lamp post, grinning up at the pale man. "So, ready to go back?"

"Exactly where am I?"

"London, England, Earth." She waved her hand before her and the swirling image of Cloud's room appeared before them both, the girl stepping aside as she waited for Vincent to go through. He eyed it, then walked past her, stepping through the portal as it began to fade. "And don't worry about your clothes! Their getting dry-cleaned as we speak!" The portal closed and the girl sighed, waving to her friend so she would come out.

"Wow…he didn't kill you!" She exclaimed, pulling out a video camera and flipping the screen open. "We got some great footage, remind me to get you to burn it onto a DVD."

"Yeah, Hell knows you can't do it." The taller of the two hit the smaller, both girls snickering as they watched the lit screen through their walk home.

* * *

Woo-hoo! Random crack pairings FTW!!!

Alucard: So, how do you like the gun?

I wuvs it. :3 (has gun under her pillow)

Vinny: ...(glares at Cloud)

Cloud: Meep. O.O

Friend: Fufufufufufufu...

R&R~! :D


End file.
